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For many South Asians, the dream of living abroad also means the promise of a better life. In the excitement of the adventure, many only focus on the opportunities that lie ahead. Yet, the glamorous picture that is painted is often only a half truth, which prevents them from learning about and preparing for the challenges ahead. This can lead to feeling anxious and uncertain, like being stranded at sea with no solid ground beneath you, or like coming to an exam having prepared for a completely different subject.
While it is possible to achieve the opportunities and life you’re wanting overseas, the journey of settling in there is often overlooked or minimized. In the midst of making the life you want, there are a lot of struggles and experiences which often go unprocessed or validated.
Through this blog, we aim to validate and also learn more of the unprocessed yet substantial experiences South Asians experience when moving overseas the 1st time.
CHALLENGES & SHOCKS
In reality, many may not think about these challenges until only after they arrive. Consequently, individuals moving to North America may face a few common “shocks”:
Culture Shock: Moving countries involves learning to live in a completely different culture, while unlearning cultural norms that one was used to before. For example, “desi” students have to adapt to an individualistic cultural environment, which is very different from the collectivist culture that they come from. This can often lead them to miss out on the community connection that they took for granted at home. Additionally, they also have to learn a whole new communication style, social etiquettes, conversation styles, professional demeanor, etc. The compounding effect of all these cultural adjustments can prove to be a tough challenge for many newly-arrived students.
Culinary Shock: Food is a huge part of the South Asian identity, and we all know what it feels like to dig into some familiar, home-made comfort food. Yet “desi” food may not always be easily available abroad. Changing food palettes can leave one’s digestive system in disarray. Furthermore, for many, the moral and religious associations with food can lead to further distress, especially when one has to adapt to new types of animal-based foods. In all these ways, leaving behind the very primal comfort of home food can feel like a major culinary adjustment to make.
Climate Shock: If you are used to sweltering summers, rainy monsoons and the toasty winters of home, finding yourself in the middle of 2 feet of snow (while the wind chill feels like -30 degrees celsius) can be a major shock to the system. Therefore, the first winters can be a very hard adjustment indeed. They may not always know what to expect, how to prepare for it or what to do to cope with it.
Lifestyle Shock: Moving away from a busy house with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews all living together, also means getting used to a quietude and loneliness that can sometimes be jarring. Add to that the need to cook for yourself, doing your own washing and cleaning, getting used to walking instead of taking a car, learning to live with roommates etc. All these major lifestyle changes cannot be avoided and can sometimes be very difficult to adjust to.
COMMON RESPONSE TO SHOCKS
The combined effect of these shocks take many by surprise. And in the absence of any support or prior preparation, the knee-jerk response may not always be the most helpful one in the long run.
Isolation: Many react to such challenges by closing up and isolating themselves. This can happen at an individual level, for example, a student may choose to disengage from their new environment completely, refrain from social connections, and stay indoors throughout winter. Or even when they do meet up with others, they may struggle to voice their own needs and simply accept the situation, even if they may be uncomfortable with something.
Isolation in groups: On the other hand, this type of isolation can also happen as a group, where South Asians begin to only socialize with and speak to other South Asians. Thus isolating themselves from the environment as a group. This can lead to creating ethnic group echo chambers, which may provide some support in the short run, but is not a useful strategy in the long run as it limits opportunities and hinders integration into the new culture.
Moving back: Finally, many who struggle to adjust may choose to leave their study/work program and return back home, as a last resort coping mechanism. While this may appear to resolve the issues and challenges they may be facing, in the long run it can cause them to feel even worse, impacting their self-esteem and self-confidence, causing them to feel guilt or shame, sometimes perpetuated by family pressures back home.
A SUPPORT RESOURCE
“Sarthak” is a space for South Asians abroad, to understand their struggles and to provide you with an opportunity to share their experiences with others, under the guidance of therapists and well-being professionals. We bring in-depth knowledge and understanding of the South Asian cultural context, to provide the most relevant support, to make you feel a little more at home. Join us for our monthly focus group discussions.
For registration, click here: https://forms.gle/u2w4ps81eKYB53y28
Authors:
Farhan Ahmed
Purvi Balasaria
Email us at: sarthak.wellbeing@gmail.com
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